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And no matter the activity, Im contemplating, Im listening, Im praying. I dont like cold feet. Im living inside my head most of the time, in the constant companionship of God and Leonard. In my current mindset, Im focused on other things. Gravity is not kind when youre approaching. Something about simple chores gets ones mind going. Last summer, I had to bribe people to dig holes for. Things now require more planning and coordination. I felt lucky to be enjoying a weird 60 degree January day.
Complacency is a thing of the past. This hole was for the sweet, little hemlock tree I got to commemorate Leonards first Christmas. I just dug one. God has a way of lacing the extremes together. I want to see the awe in his face when we sit and watch a train go by, then collect the smashed pennies weve laid on the tracks. And in the meantime, Ill plop that sweet, little hemlock into the hole I dug, along with a blessing for Leonard. All my friends with children tell me how quickly time races. And I want to be not just a good mother, but the mother he deserves. When Leonard is awake, I want to relish every moment.
Gods sense of humor is intact, and just when Ive shed the fear that has constrained me in the past, whatever looks I had are fading. Im doing my part so that God can do His. Im reassessing, purging, shedding the non-essentials in order to make room for more stillness, more richness, more satisfaction. Hes the Great Inspirer, for. The wheels are turning. I wonder if my current nesting craze is really just a masked attempt to make time stand still. Time is spent purposefully. My world is suddenly revolving around a short, bald, toothless guy who is depending.
I trust that Im on the right path, even if I cant see the final destination. In my eighth month of pregnancy, I had been confined to nothing but flip flops for any outing, respectable or otherwise. Our new, better life. He can already hold his head up, and is trying with all of his might to command the use of his hands and legs. Im noticing that most of my friends are contemplating the new year more heavily than in years past.
I want him to squeal with joy when his hands squish in the mud. As a friend would say, quality over quantity. Ill be more centered, more able to give back, more able to enjoy. Im spending 90 percent of my time alone with an infant, and loving every minute. I basked in the scent of the raw earth as I dug. This year will be, as all my years have come to be, an open prayer. Im noticing new lines around my eyes and mouth, and my skin just looks tired. This year, Im increasingly aware of the passage of time, of my own aging. In the winter, warm, fuzzy footwear becomes the necessity.
Rencontres coquines gratuites sint niklaasHopefully, there will be a handful of intimate dinner parties around this big, old farmhouse table in my kitchen. Time is not vertical, its linear, each moment seamlessly flowing into the next. After all, he is, to me, a blessing among blessings. I was thankful that my body is back. Just days ago, it was in the 30s and freezing at night. Leonard has everything to do with that. Nothing, but nothing would eek over my feet.
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